By: Crystal Unrau
Traditionally, when a couple became engaged, it was automatically assumed that the bride’s family would pay for the event. This tradition originated with the paying of the dowry and the bride price. The wedding would be the last expense the bride’s father would be responsible for. After that, she would be the groom’s responsibility. Today, a bride is no longer seen as property passed from father to husband, and so this tradition has been slowly changing. In addition, many couples are waiting until they are older, and are no longer financially dependant on their parents when they become engaged.
While there are some exceptions, most weddings today are financed by some combination of both parents and the couple. This is done in many different ways, none of which are wrong.
- In some cases, the parents will each take responsibility for different aspects of the wedding, leaving the remainder to the couple. For example, for my wedding, my parents paid for ceremony costs, my husband’s parents paid for the reception hall, décor and bar, and we paid for the meal.
- In other cases, the parents will each contribute a particular monetary amount towards the total cost of the wedding. My best friend and her little sister are getting married 2 months apart, so their parents gave each of them $2000 to use towards their wedding expenses.
- In some cases, the parents will choose to simply offer funds as they can, or they may choose to offer services instead. One bride I met recently was marrying a man who’s mother was a florist, so she offered her services for free. Another bride, who’s parents were not sure what they could contribute at the start, simply paid for those expenses they could afford to cover as they came up. In the end, that added up to a lot of money, but it was over a longer period.
While there is no rule as to how this has to be done, this is a few rules as to what you can NOT do or should remember!
- Never assume that your parents OWE you a wedding or even a portion of the wedding costs! Yes, believe it or not, there are still some brides out there who believe their parents owe then a dream wedding! It is very rude to demand financial involvement from either families, or to imply that the amount they offer is not good enough.
- However they decided to help, make sure they know that their support, both emotionally and financially, means the world to you!
- Everyone’s financial situation is different, and if one set of parents is able to offer more then the other, it may be wise to avoid hurt feelings by not discussing the amounts each side contributes.
There are some wedding expenses which are usually taken care of by other parties, particularly the wedding party. Here are a list of items the wedding party is usually responsible for:
- their own gifts to the couple
- their own wedding attire and accessories
- their own travel expenses
- bridal showers, hen night, bachelor party, etc.
- their own hair or makeup appointments
And to finish it offer, here are a list of things the couple should be have to pay for or put on themselves. Some of these may seem obvious, but each of them have been asked for before!
- any of the items in the wedding party list
- shipping of gifts from those who can not attend the event
- their engagement party and/or rehearsal dinner
- parent’s or sibling’s wedding attire
- transportation for invited guests if they are local
So, there is a basic blueprint to help you get started! Above all, remember to be considerate and accepting of each party’s involvement, no matter what it may be.
Article by:
Crystal Unrau is a wedding planner and the owner of Chrys Cross Bridal. She specializes in creating dream weddings on a budget and offers discount designer wedding gowns and accessories along with free advice through her website!
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